Like a Girl: Chapter six

I sat there at the edge of the bed an hour later in complete silence. Daisy had told me things I’d never known and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
“You’re a girl, Alex,” she said to me. “And girls aren’t dirty, rough, or muscular. They’re clean, smooth, and pretty.”
I didn’t respond. I still didn’t know what to say. Everything I thought I knew was wrong. Everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong.
“You’re much more than what your father has told you,” she was saying. “Your father told you that girls are natural born killers.”
I stared at the floor in silence, letting the words hit my ears without a response.
“We are. But not the way your father taught you.”
The other girls nodded around me.
“Your power isn’t in your hands,” she touched my fingers in my lap. “But in your body.” She rested her hand on my belt. “With this, we control the world.”
I had no idea what she meant. Nothing was making sense anymore. My whole world had just been shattered and I didn’t know who I was anymore. But there was one question that kept ramming its head against the inside of my skull that I couldn’t shake.
“But why?” I finally asked. “Why would he lie to me?”
“Because, Alexandra,” Daisy replied. “Men can’t be trusted.”
I shook my head at that. I couldn’t believe it. You were my father. You were the only person I had ever known. The only person in my life. You had to be trustworthy. You just had to be. You couldn’t be a liar. This couldn’t be true.
“Do you know what your name means?” Daisy asked me.
I shook my head. You had never told me. And I had never asked.
“Defender of men.”
I furrowed my brow at that and a felt a knot in my stomach.
“Your father used you to protect himself,” Daisy said. And it was like she shot an arrow straight into my heart. “That’s what men do, Alex. They use us.”
And suddenly, my whole body was trembling. My face was hot and my eyes were burning. Why were my eyes burning? I heard my breathing come out in panicked heaves and a wave of feelings started swelling up inside of me. Then, like a dam had suddenly burst behind my eyes, I started crying. And I lowered my head and covered my face with my hands. I wanted to run away so the girls wouldn’t see me being so weak. Because you had always taught me that real girls don’t cry.
But they didn’t call me weak. They didn’t tell me to suck it up. Instead, they got closer and hugged me.
And then, as I was wailing at the top of my lungs, the door suddenly burst open and you stormed into the room.
“Alex, we have to go!” you screamed.
I sat up and glared at you behind the rivers running down my eyes. “You liar!”
You didn’t even react—like you had seen this coming. “Alex, we have to go. Now.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you!” I shouted back at you. “They told me what I am. And they told me what you are—a liar!”
You walked right up to me and grabbed my hand, but I yanked it back. “You have to trust me, Alex!”
“Trust you?! Why should I trust you?”
You looked me straight in my eyes and said, “Because this isn’t a colony.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s